Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
