weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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