Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have aggressive nipples.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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