What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
