Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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