My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
