am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize