Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think your dad took our porno
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize