if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
