May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
