You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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