I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
