Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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