she woke up with a sticky ear
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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