she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
