im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
