The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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