After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize