my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He better not be in your backpack
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
