Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
