I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
