I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
