he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
