Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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