Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
