I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
