Already got asked if we're dating
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
