well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
