Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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