Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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