Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
