Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
