I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
