Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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