I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
