No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
