So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
