I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
