Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
