There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
