I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
