How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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