you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
