oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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