That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
