my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
