my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
