Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize