he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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