We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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