i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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