lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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