we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
