You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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