Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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