So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
