I hope mine doesn't look like that
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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