I didn't shave. On purpose
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
