My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
