Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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