Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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