I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
only if we run a train.
done.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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