He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
