Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
