Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
