So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize