I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
