My room smells like vodka and shame
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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